"mY" Lonely Life.

You have reasons to believe that life is a harmony. Harmony with your fellow beings, the different living and non living things surrounding you.

You have reasons to believe that you are never alone in life.
You can say that your friend was there with you all the time.
You can think that your parents will never leave you.
You can hope that you lover will never ditch you. You can...!!! hehe :)

I no more hope that my lover never ditched me. Rather "lovers" :P. I am not blaming any one.
I dont think that my parents will be there with me all my life. I want them though.
I know my friend will have his/her own reasons to move away from me. He/She will still be my friend forever. :(:)

I have reasons to believe that my life is "my" life.
I got reasons to think that we all are alone in life.

"Loneliness kills you faster than any poison."

Even when you think that, you have everything; even when you say that you have everyone; are you not sad, are you not feeling the vaccum ?

I do.

I would not have...

I asked her," If I had given time to think, then..."
She said with out allowing me to complete,
"My answer would have been still a NO"
I smiled when walkin to my home cos I was
having her diary with me which said on 'November 3rd'
"If he had asked me again or just given me a hint, I would
have....,but he never came back. Why does not he understand a girl."

I understand now. Understanding is the mainpoint.
If life had a second chance, I would not have hesitated to ask the second time,
I would not have let her go, I would not have given away my friendship, I would not have been so rude to my sisters, I would not have been so disrespectful to my teachers, I would not have lied to my mom, I would not have.....

My Value.

My value system is entirely different to yours.
That does not mean that you are having no value.
You are also good but not as much as me !!!!!!!!!

I respect you, not for you are respectful, but you respect me.
I care for you, not because you need it, but I want it in return.
Apparently, its MEEEEEEEEEEEEE and not YOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

So, if you think that you are gonna tear me into pieces and I am gonna break down into tears, then YOU ARE A FOOL OF THE FIRST ORDER. I am not gonna listen to youuu...
I am wearin ear fones... wuhuuuuuuuuuuuuu !!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS. I know how to do things. Dont preach !!!!

Monday mornings !!!!!

Monday mornings...I used to run for my pencil box..
Monday mornings...I used to run for my Parker pen..
Monday mornings...I used to run for my tie.........
Monday mornings...I used to run for my pendrive....

Monday mornings...I still run.....

Break breaker Blog

I have nt blogged after coming to New zealand , or rather Auckland specifically.
Every thing is a habit. writing blogs and not writing them.. So after a break, I guess I will be
blogging quite often now.

Well...... this is a nice place.. good climate..... peaceful...... beautiful.......
Just that I am here with lotta assignments and a part time job.... kinda engaged totally...
But when considering the number of "malayaleees" living , this country is also not an exception...
Where ever you go, the malayaleee follows.....
And lotta Indians as a whole.......
Will be back with blogs soon... this is just a 'break breaker' :P

Mosquitoes !!!!!

POSTED ON INFY BLOG: Friday, June 11th, 2010

why are mosquitoes so irritating...!!!
They bite... fine... That makes you itch... And the worst part is... the noise they produce... the 'woooo woooo woooo' sound inside your ears....


I had a bad night yesterday. It was raining cats and dogs.
And the power went off.
Suddenly,all the mosquitoes with their families flew into my room. They started attacking me from top to bottom(literally).
I was sleeping calmly after watching a good movie. But then the 'woooo woooo' sound made me wake up... I could feel the mosquito bites on my body. I shouted,scratched,pleaded... they did not go... I tried sleeping, making the mosquitoes feel that I am not knowing or feeling anything they do. But I felt like they were really interested in irritating me and waking me up.

Some how, I could see the sun rise and after that I could sleep for some 1 hour.

I understand that blood is their(mosquitoes') food. I really understand.
Let them have it. I got no issues.
But why the irritations, the itch,the sound and why spreading diseases.
Why waking me up every time the power goes in night.? Why ?
Was it some manufacturing defect happened when God created them....!!!

I don't understand !!!!

POSTED ON INFY BLOG: Thursday, June 3rd, 2010
I don't understand why people are in such rush...
Why don't some one wait for the people in the lift to get down first
and then walk in to it.
Same is the case while entering into a bus... Why don't we show some manners?
Why don't you wait for the people inside to get down on their stop?
There is no rule. But these are just some good manners.

When talking about law... India is famous for the creation of so many good laws. But are we following them ? I don't think so ...

Well....!!! saying about that, I think Spitting on the road is against the law even in India too... But seeing the road, who does not want to spit is another question..

May be :) !!!!

Love Story for ever !!!!!

POSTED ON INFY BLOG: Tuesday, June 1st, 2010
once upon a time I had this so called crush on one girl.
she was very beautiful.
The main thing which attracted me most was
She was different from most of the other girls.
She never wanted to be noticed..She never was interested in silly talks...
She was interested in studies, flowers, birds and animals....
and She was very religious....
Seeing her could make my heart beat faster... I never understood why ...
It was some special pleasure I enjoyed.

I was this popular guy...
But, being popular also produced so many rumors.. and so many more which i don't even know.
But then...
I knew... there was only one more year... and after that I will be leaving the school
Revealing was necessary.. else she would never know
But i was afraid.. because at least.... right now i got HOPE...
but if she rejects.. then i will break.
I knew I can never find anyone else in her spot..
I wanted a life with her
I just wanted her....
so I thought...I will have to some how make her understand my love for her

I started writing a letter.

Hi sweetheart....
then I thought. "sweetheart" would not be appropriate...
because she may not feel good if she does not even care for me
and if she has some other affairs going on..

and so.. i wrote..

Hi

I don't know whether you know me.
But I know you.
I don't know whether you want to know me.
But I want to know you more.
I don't want you to love me.
But I want you to understand that.
I feel I love you a lot and I see dreams
I see you, me , our son and daughter going for
the alumni for school reunion after 15 years in the
black BMW wearing black suit.
I don't know whether I will be able to buy a BMW or the
black suit.
But I want you at least. Will you allow me to make you my life partner forever. will you ?

the next day
I was all set to give the letter to her.

I saw her coming.

I went near her.. I asked her I want to tell her some thing
she said. tell me.
I told her..." I am Jens."
She said " I know"
I asked " How ? "
She said "athokke undu"(Something is there[MALAYALAM])
I said " tell me.... is there something.. you know.. " I smiled
She said " Sonia is crazy about you "
I thought for a while
I said "I wanted to tell the same.. I got a letter for her. Could you give it to her. I know you are close buddies "

She smiled, took the letter from me and went.
I smiled again.

Definition of Love

How on earth can someone love more than one person in real life ????? The "love" I am speaking about is romance.
From the time I knew about this so called "love", I was sure that I will love only "her". Even if she would not love me, I will still be the same. I will fight for my love. I will die for my love. I will still remain a chronic bachelor even when she gets married or her child gets married.

Today:-

How on earth can someone get involved with only just one girl?? How can some one be so "lazy"?? When you have better chance, when you understand that the girl you think you love is not the one you really loved, or when you think that the girl you are loving just loves you like hell and never understands you, or when you at last understand that the girl wont allow you to live a peaceful life, then leave. Leave her :)
May be she is feeling the same about you. She also wants to leave you. And may be she is waiting for you take the first step so that no one will blame her :)

You always have a choice !!!!!

There is no right or wrong decision. Its just whether you are happy with your decision or not.
I don't take decision based on just calculations. Because there is no perfect machine which can tell you what can happen in future.
I had situations where my decision was so crucial. And my choices looked so alike and with same complexity.And when there is situation to take decisions, you will be surrounded with suggestions from your relatives, friends, relatives' friends, friends' relatives and the list goes on.

They will be there only while taking the decision and not when you have to suffer the whatever impact the decision caused.

When you have choices and you can never assess the impact of your decision in future, why waste time thinking. Just take a decision and be happy with it.

Never say that I am in this situation just because of my father or friend or brother or whatever.Don't say "He asked me to take that course in college; or he is the one who suggested the girl; he asked me to do that" etc..

Your destiny is in your hands along with the so called "God" and with no one else.
"Be happy for what you are and what you are not.Because your current situation is better than a situation worse than this :) "

What are you runnin for !!!!!

Its a sunny day.
Its a funny world.
Full of competitions.
Selfish deeds .
I feel lonely
I feel like crying.

But then I realize.
There is nothing to penalize.
Even I have changed.
I was once a sweet innocent boy.
I am running, cos every one run
I dunno why.. I dunno my destiny
I feel I’ l be left alone,
I feel I will be a loser if I dun run
I feel lonely
I feel like cryin

I got my parents
I got my friends
I got my brothers and sisters
I don’t see them, I dunno
I just know them, I dunno
I am running, cos every one run
I dunno why.. I dunno my destiny
I feel I l be left alone,
I feel I will be a loser if I dun run
I feel lonely
I feel like cryin

I wanted chocolates
I wanted toys
I wanted bicycle and bike
What I want now, I dunno
What I am lukin for, I dunno
I am running, cos every one run
I dunno why.. I dunno my destiny
I feel I l be left alone,
I feel I will be a loser if I dun run
I feel lonely
I feel like cryin

There was mental pain
There was physical
There was agony and misery
But what is it now, I dunno
It’s killin me like hell, I dunno
I am running, cos every one run
I dunno why.. I dunno my destiny
I feel I l be left alone,
I feel I will be a loser if I dun run
I feel lonely
I feel like cryin

I know what you think
I know what you have
You‘ve been in to this.
You are my reflection.
We are runnin
We are runnin like hell
But just wait and think
What are we runnin for..
What are we lookin for…
Are n’t we happy yet
Are n’t we satisfied
Why dun we take a breathe
And just live it to the depth.
Cos life is jus once
And death is jus once
Why dun we live it up
Than rather die it out !!!!!!

My Happy Ending !!!

1.Why cant you talk to me for atleast 30 mins a day ?
2.why are you more close to your friends than me ?
3.why cant you understand me ?
4.Do you really love me ?

My answers to her questions were:

1.I got busy work these days.I need to meet at least my
Boss' expectations.Its the beginning of my career.I get very less time for every thing other than work.(at least these days).Even when I reach home so late, I talk to you in phone. I want to talk more. I want to tell you many things. But then, I need to get up early. If I don't sleep at least for 3 or 4 hours, then that will affect me the next day in office.Please wait.Everything will be alright.

2. My friends were there with me every time. Even if you are more important, they are also important. I live with them. They support me. They need my support too. You will understand it. Please wait. Everything will be alright.

3. I really understand you if not fully. I know your tensions. I know your care and most importantly, I know you love me a lot. Please wait. Everything will be alright.

4.Why do you keep asking me that question.? You are the one I love the most in this world. It's for you, I live. Please wait. Everything will be alright.








She dint wait. :)


She had her own answers for those questions.

1. I don't love her anymore.
2. I don't love her anymore.
3. I don't love her anymore.
4. I don't love her anymore.




Now,

I sleep 30 minutes more everyday.
I am happy with my friends
I understand me and others.

I don't love her anymore. :):):)